Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
