On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
