are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize