3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
