I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize