Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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