I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
