weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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