I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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