four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
