i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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