The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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