I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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