Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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