I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
my liver is dry heaving
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
