Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
