Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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