hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
