YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
