I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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