I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
