she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
