So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
