I got chris browned last night
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
