dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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