I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
