A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
