i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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