Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
