Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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