I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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