he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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