We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
