Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
