you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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