I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
