so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just invented taco cereal.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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