we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
