Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
