I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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