I wish I could teleport
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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