If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
