Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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