so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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