i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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