my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
