My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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