Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I need to calm my uterus...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
