my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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