Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
