It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
