margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
