What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
