maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
