were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
