I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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