I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
