I want to have your abortion
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
