I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
