At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
