Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
