I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
