How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
