but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize