the day after is always just damage control
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
