You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
