I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize