No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize