Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My pussy is not your playground.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
