How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I love you.
Bad choice
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
