hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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