Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
