Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize