i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
